


So You're a Character In the Storybook

by FrenchRoast



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-14
Updated: 2016-06-29
Packaged: 2018-07-15 02:56:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7203617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrenchRoast/pseuds/FrenchRoast
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If someone wrote a book of advice for the characters in Once Upon a Time. </p><p>***This is just a list of chapter titles, not actual written-out chapters (though it's possible I could be persuaded)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. So You Want to Survive as a Storybrooke Resident

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [So You Want to Be a Power Ranger](https://archiveofourown.org/works/631892) by [TheSecondBatgirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSecondBatgirl/pseuds/TheSecondBatgirl). 



Chapter 1: How to Cast the Dark Curse

Chapter 2: Weddings Make People Do Crazy Things

Chapter 3: How to Rob Your True Love’s Fiancée’s Carriage

Chapter 4: How to Bargain With Rumplestiltskin

Chapter 5: All Magic Comes With a Price (Don't Bargain With Rumplestiltskin)

Chapter 6: Your Comatose Crush Has a Wife

Chapter 7: The Way to a Man’s Heart Is Through His Chest

Chapter 8: Rigging a Municipal Election

Chapter 9: People Who Live in Gingerbread Houses Shouldn’t Eat Children

Chapter 10: August and the Zen of Storybook Repair

Chapter 11: How to Frame Someone For Your Husband's Murder

Chapter 12: Choosing the Right Valentine’s Day Cards

Chapter 13: Strange Women in Ponds Distributing Death

Chapter 14: Don’t Count Your Dwarves Before They Hatch

Chapter 15: Grieving the Boyfriend You Ate

Chapter 16: Finding Your True Love: Charming Style

Chapter 17: Enjoy the Milliner Before He’s Banished to Marveland

Chapter 18: Don’t Trust 8 Year Olds With Your Secrets

Chapter 19: The Blue Fairy Is Shady As Fuck

Chapter 20: No Really, She is Super Shady

Chapter 21: An Apple a Day Makes You Regina’s Prey

Chapter 22: True Love Conquers All…For Now


	2. So You Want to Play With Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter titles for a book of advice for characters in Season 2 of Once Upon a Time

Chapter 1: How to Keep Your Promises (Technically)  
Chapter 2: Accepting Your Second Personality: How to Get Your Ph.D From a Curse!  
Chapter 3: Heirlooms and Gender Reveals in the Enchanted Forest  
Chapter 4: How to Be an Ex-Murderer  
Chapter 5: Bringing Back the Dead Will Cost You an Arm  
Chapter 6: Stealing a Car That's Already Been Stolen (Bonus excerpt: August W. Booth Is a Lying, Thieving Douchebag)  
Chapter 7: Why David is a Terrible Sheriff  
Chapter 8: Sleeping Curses Are So Hot Right Now  
Chapter 9: My Compass Brings All the Villains to the Yard  
Chapter 10: Using Magical Disguises For Evil   
Chapter 11: Magical Beasts and How to Track Them  
Chapter 12: Pretending to Be Normal  
Chapter 13: HortiCulture Shock  
Chapter 14: What to Do When You Find Out Your Ex Is Rumplestiltskin’s Long Lost Son  
Chapter 15: Locating Magical Objects, Or, How To Ensure the Villains Get Their Hands On the Thing You’re Trying to Hide From Them  
Chapter 16: Spinning Straw Into Gold: The Dark One’s Kama Sutra  
Chapter 17: How to Unsuccessfully Kidnap a Child and Turn Him Against You For the Rest of His Life  
Chapter 18: Phuket, You’re Going to End Up With Amnesia Eventually  
Chapter 19: Dating For Dark Ones  
Chapter 20: You Really Can’t Trust Anyone These Days  
Chapter 21: Portals to Other Realms Mostly Exist To Screw Over Neal  
Chapter 22: Teaming Up With the Other Side


	3. So You Want to Save Your Son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Season three

Chapter 1: Making Friends and Influencing MerPeople in Other Realms

Chapter 2: Pan Is Basically Archie If He Liked Hurting People

Chapter 3: Finding Your True Love Again (Just Take a Leap)

Chapter 4: Family Reunions (Pan Will Ruin Yours)

Chapter 5: If Your Captain Acts Dishonorably, Become a Pirate Because…?

Chapter 6: Seriously, Pan Will Fuck You Up With His Mind Games

Chapter 7: Magic Coconuts and Bracelets Are a Thing

Chapter 8: Rumplestiltskin Cannot Catch a Break, Or Pan Has No Problem Sacrificing His Descendants

Chapter 9: Adoption Is Harder and Easier In Storybrooke

Chapter 10: What To Do When Your Father Swaps Bodies With Your Grandson

Chapter 11: You Can Sacrifice Your Life to Save Everyone, But They Won’t Remember It

Chapter 12: Your Boyfriend Might Be a Flying Monkey

Chapter 13: Family Reunions (Surprise, You Have Sister!)

Chapter 14: Grooming Your Dark One

Chapter 15: Don’t Call the Midwife (She Wants Your Baby)

Chapter 16: Feeding Your Dark One

Chapter 17: Don’t Let David Teach Your Son How to Drive

Chapter 18: Seducing the Mills Women (Bonus Essay: Cora Is the Worst)

Chapter 19: Casting the Dark Curse: Third Time’s the Charm(ing’s Heart)

Chapter 20: So the Doctor Delivering Your Baby Is Also That Dude You Had a One-Night Stand With When You Were Cursed

Chapter 21: Using Magical Disguises For Good

Chapter 22: Why Time Travel Is a Bad Idea


	4. So You Want to Let It Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Season 4's turn!

Chapter 1: Netflix and Chill (Choosing the Right Honeymoon Destination)

Chapter 2: Other People’s Jobs Are Harder Than They Seem (But Sword Fighting Is Easy)

Chapter 3: Ice Cream, You Scream

Chapter 4: Blackmailing a Dark One (Are You Sure You Want to Do This?)

Chapter 5: Choosing a Babysitter (Call Belle, She’s Probably Not Busy Even Though She Just Got Married, Right?)

Chapter 6: Discovering and Recovering From Amnesia

Chapter 7: Hiding Your Powers Usually Doesn’t Lead to Good Things

Chapter 8: Navigating Awkward Relationships

Chapter 9: Disaster-Prepping For the Villain’s Curse (If You Can’t Stop It, You Will Still Have Plenty of Time)

Chapter 10: You Can Sacrifice Yourself To Save Everyone From the Curse You Cast (And They’ll Call You a Hero As Long As You're Not Rumplestiltskin)

Chapter 11: Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

Chapter 12: Get Used to Monsters Randomly Appearing

Chapter 13: Dead Is Dead (Except When It Isn’t)

Chapter 14: Dragons Are So Hot Right Now

Chapter 15: Everyone Lies

Chapter 16: What to Expect When You’re Expecting (Snowing Will Steal Your Egg-Baby to Save Theirs)

Chapter 17: Zelena Is Even Worse Than You Thought

Chapter 18: Cruella Just Wants To Kill People (Yet She’s Still A Better Person Than Zelena)

Chapter 19: Fighting Fate: You Don’t Have to Be Evil Unless Snowing Chooses It For You

Chapter 20: Writing Your Own Once Upon a Time AU Fanfic

Chapter 21: Character Make-Overs 101

Chapter 22: Party Crashing 101


	5. So You Want to Be the Dark One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Season 5!

Chapter 1: Anyone Can Open a Portal to Another Realm (Except Rumplestiltskin)

Chapter 2: No One Cares Regina Murdered Entire Villages

Chapter 3: MacGuffins and How to Steal Them

Chapter 4: Arthur Is Shadier Than the Ground Under Merlin’s Tree

Chapter 5: Doublecrossing for Good and Evil

Chapter 6: How to Be Brave (Literally and Ursinely)

Chapter 7: Merlin is So Hot

Chapter 8: Zelena Will Always Find a Way To Fuck You Over

Chapter 9: How To Disappear For Days, Save a Kingdom, And Never Be Missed

Chapter 10: There Is Always a Loophole (Unless You’re Rumplestiltskin)

Chapter 11: Sacrifice Yourself to Save Everyone From the Evil You Unleashed And You’ll Become a Hero (Nevermind You Were Trying To Kill Everyone 5 Minutes Ago)

Chapter 12: Afterlife In PurgaStory—Misery Loves Company

Chapter 13: You’re Not the Only One Creeped Out By Hades’ Blue Flame Orgasms

Chapter 14: Seriously, Rumplestiltskin & Belle Can Never Catch a Break

Chapter 15: Killing People Is Okay If You Regret It Later

Chapter 16: Dating For Villains—If Awkward Bicycling Doesn’t Work, Try Murder

Chapter 17: Forgetting Your Ex

Chapter 18: When You Discover You’ve Been a Friend of Dorothy All Along

Chapter 19: Sibling Rivalries Are Everyone’s Problem

Chapter 20: How To Bargain With Hades

Chapter 21: Dead Is Dead (Unless You’re Hook)

Chapter 22: No One Cares About Belle (Except Rumplestiltskin)

Chapter 23: Your Evil Twin Has Better Clothes


End file.
